I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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