we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
