guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
