I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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