he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
