I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
