you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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