whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
