Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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