he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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