Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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