and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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