did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
