worst night to have a conscience
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
