My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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