On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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