How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
