He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
