i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
