It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
