I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
