Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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