I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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