where am i from again
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
