My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
