My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
