carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
