I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
