I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I have aggressive nipples.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
