Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My breasts were aching with rage.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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