google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
