I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Houston, we have a blender
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
