I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
