Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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