Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
