She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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