It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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