I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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