i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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