Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
