well I can't set my house on fire every night
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize