Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
