Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize