So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
