My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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