smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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