The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize