therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
