You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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