I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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