everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize