My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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