woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bring me that man meat
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
