yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
