Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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