even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
