even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
