I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
