I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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