why do cheetos always look like penises
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
