You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
