3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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