There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I cannot find my penis.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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