You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
