Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
