i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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