"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
