In the future we'll all be gay
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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