Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
