so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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