so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
