i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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