I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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