Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
