..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
