i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
