I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We left the knife in your bed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize