He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
