All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize