he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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