I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
