Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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