hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
