I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
