You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
