I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I fill condoms, not promises.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
