The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
