Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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